Feelings Are Not Indictments
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One of the things you have trouble adjusting to when you first have kids is the crying. Not just because it\\u2019s loud, but because it feels like you\\u2019re being stabbed in the heart. We are not meant, evolutionarily, to be good at ignoring crying babies\\u2014especially ones we are related to. It provokes us in a very deep place, and that\\u2019s a good thing.\\xa0
But, as they get older, you\\u2019ll have to learn how to manage this. Because it\\u2019s inevitable that your children will be upset, even cry, throughout their lives. You son will fall and hurt himself. Your daughter will be angry that her toy broke. They\\u2019ll be sad. They\\u2019ll get dumped. They\\u2019ll be heartbroken. They\\u2019ll get fired and they will fail.
As a father, you have to understand this critical lesson: Tears are not indictments. They are facts. They are not problems for you to solve, or charges for you to defend yourself against. They are pronouncements. What your kids need is for you to listen to them. To hear what they are saying. No more. No less.\\xa0
They don\\u2019t need a lecture. They don\\u2019t need you to tell them how they can avoid this next time. They definitely don\\u2019t need to be told how this is not a big deal...or conversely, how this is a huge deal and totally their fault. They just need you. They need dad. They need dad to understand.\\xa0
Got it? By the way...this advice should apply to your marriage or relationships too.
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