You Have To Mean What You Say

Published: Dec. 20, 2019, 2 p.m.

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It\\u2019s so easy to make threats as a dad. If you don\\u2019t stop that, I\\u2019m going to turn the TV off. If you don\\u2019t start being nicer to your brother, we\\u2019re going to go home. You have to pick up your clothes first, or else there is no snack. You do it when they\\u2019re little, and if you remember your own childhood, it keeps happening all the way through\\u2014about curfew, about grades, about keeping their room clean, about how you talk to people.\\xa0

But while making threats is easy, keeping one\\u2019s word is harder. Because the link you made between a clean room and the TV was totally artificial and you didn\\u2019t really mean it. Because you still want to go to the basketball game with your daughter, and really don\\u2019t want to have to enforce it as a punishment. Think about Obama and the red line he drew in Syria. He meant it...but he didn\\u2019t really mean it, and when his bluff got called, the whole national security picture changed.\\xa0

As a parent, it\\u2019s critical that you mean what you say. So enforce every threat with the firmness of a dictator? No, how about you make fewer threats? How about you stop forcing things together that you\\u2019re not serious about? This way when you do make a causal link, it\\u2019s because it matters. When you draw a line, know that it\\u2019s worth enforcing. Know that you will enforce it.\\xa0

So your kids learn that words mean something. Specifically that your words mean something.

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