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Right now, you\\u2019re thinking about what all the other parents are doing. What schools they\\u2019re getting their kids into. What the best strollers are. You\\u2019re thinking about how to get them to do their homework or how to keep their rooms clean. How to manage your life and career and staying in shape. It\\u2019s overwhelming and you\\u2019re stressed.

Every dad is.\\xa0

So maybe it\\u2019s helpful to sit back and really think about what parental success really looks like. First, of course, it\\u2019s having healthy kids who survive to adulthood\\u2014that\\u2019s obvious. But second, when you flash way forward into the future, what is it? It\\u2019s that beautiful phrase captured in The Highwomen hit\\u2014it\\u2019s having a crowded table. At Thanksgiving. On birthdays. At some summer house on the beach you all rented as a family. That is: having kids who you get to see, who you have a good relationship with, who you want to spend time with...for the rest of your days.\\xa0

Tiger Moms and Tiger Dads might raise Harvard grads, but will they have crowded tables? Snowplow parents might feel important for the first eighteen years of their kids\\u2019 lives, but will those kids resent them for spoiling and sheltering them? Instead of a crowded table, might their house be crowded with kids who have failed to launch?\\xa0

Some of the best lyrics in the Highwomen song capture the path forward for a dad who is looking forward to those crowded table days:

If we want a garden

We're gonna have to sow the seed

Plant a little happiness

Let the roots run deep

If it's love that we give

Then it's love that we reap

If we want a garden

We're gonna have to sow the seed

If you want a crowded table, you\\u2019ll need to plant the seeds. You\\u2019ll need to make the decisions now so they\\u2019ll want to make the decision to fly from their homes to yours when they\\u2019re older and have families of their own. That means listening without judgment. That means being a fan and a supporter. That means loving unconditionally. That means managing your temper. You\\u2019ll need to set the table today to have the one you\\u2019ll want tomorrow.

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