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The philosopher Stilpo of Megara had a daughter who had a bad reputation. We don\\u2019t know what for, it could have be deserved or it could have been one of those ridiculously minor violations of etiquette that the ancient world was so obsessed about. They weren\\u2019t exactly shy about double standards back then, especially when it came to women.

But that\\u2019s beside the point. Someone once tried to shame Stilpo for his daughter\\u2019s reputation. His reply is worth noting: \\u201cShe is not more a disgrace to me than I am an honour to her.\\u201d

This might seem like a detached or un-fatherly thing to say, but it is in fact, the healthiest and most respectful approach for a parent to have. Your kids are their own people. If they succeed and go to a great college and make a lot of money, that\\u2019s because they worked hard and got there. It doesn\\u2019t really say anything about you. If they mess up, it\\u2019s because they messed up. It doesn\\u2019t say you\\u2019re a bad father. The same goes for your successes and your failures\\u2014your kids aren\\u2019t extra special or important just because you\\u2019re great at your job. Your kids are no less important or special because you\\u2019re out of work or struggling.\\xa0

Yes, of course, we\\u2019re all working together and as a parent, it\\u2019s your responsibility to care for them, love them, provide for them, and teach them the right lessons. But don\\u2019t associate what they do, what they wear, whether they\\u2019re the cool kid at school or a little awkward, with yourself. And don\\u2019t assume that just because you\\u2019re you that that somehow raises or lowers expectations for them.\\xa0

Life is hard enough for a kid out there. Don\\u2019t make it harder. Don\\u2019t add extra pressure. Let them be their own people. Love them the same, always, no matter what happens or how things go.

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